A friends with benefits relationship that’s built around casual sex and a good friendship is talked about often, depicted in movies and television plenty, and almost impossible to pull off over the long haul in the real world. Sex buddies exist but they’re actually pretty rare, despite what you’ve seen on Sex in the City or numerous other media depictions. The reasons for this are pretty simple when you get down to it.
In a broad sense, sex and friendship just don’t mix. Sex introduces all sorts of hormones to the brain and body that you have no idea are being released and they cause all sorts of reactions. Most common among them is that someone will grow attached in a way they can’t ignore. It will start out as little thoughts throughout the day about their sex buddy. They’ll check their phone for texts and emails and messages. They’ll think about their sex buddy’s laugh, their body, etc. The next thing you know they’re in love and what was once supposed to be casual sex has turned into love. That’s where the heartbreak happens. Women tend to see this coming a lot sooner since they pay attention to the emotional bonding that comes from having sex. It happens to men too, but they almost never see it until it’s already at the love stage. For some reason men cling to the idea that they can have sex without attachment because they want it so bad. Then one day they wake up and realize they’re in love. Men can be silly sometimes.
Are you willing to take the plunge on having sex with a friend even though you know it might get messy? There are ways you can try and mitigate the damage and maintain the friendship is the sexual element goes awry or has to be called off. First, you should spend plenty of time talking about it. It’s certainly sexier to give in to the impulses you’ve both been feeling and have an afternoon or evening of passionate sex, but if you care about the friendship you’ll actually take some time to give voice to your desires and establish rules. Things get messy when something unexpected happens, like when the guy starts dating someone else and the girl is totally thrown because she figured they’d be having casual sex in an exclusive sort of way and he just figured he was free to date other people because it’s just casual sex. See how that can get really messy if you’re not careful about it?
When building a sex buddies relationship there are things to think about. Will you date other people as you have casual sex? Are you determined not to fall in love with your sex buddy or will you let it happen if it turns that way? How do you end the relationship, particularly if it’s just one of you that wants out? Do you tell your other friends you’re having sex? Your particular relationship will probably generate even more questions and you need to pay attention to and answer all of them if you have a hope of making such a relationship work.
You should know that sex buddies almost always end up not being friends when the dust settles, so if you really value the friendship you should probably find someone else to have sex with. That being said, having an outlet for great casual sex without having to constantly date and search around is really valuable and satisfying, so in some cases it might be worth taking the plunge. Consider it from all angles before you make a decision.